I met Helen Simmons through Lisaviolet's A Message from the United Kingdom. A charming Englishwoman with a wonderful sense of humor, a deep love and appreciation for felines, and a superb storyteller. She's a special woman - one who cares passionately for all life as you'll learn by reading this English newspaper article.
The idyllic scenes of a peaceful English homelife involving her cats - Francis, Waffles, and Marble - come vividly to life through her words. She shares her life and cats with her husband, Vernon, and Nathan, her young son. Her stories are copyright. Do not copy or reproduce in any manner; however, do enjoy!
Helen's most current stories are located here: here.
Yew Have a Furrend
Ahem...Ize bin inspyerd by da luffee Whiskers tew sing a song fur da
Jellicle Bawl. Ahem, singin izzint mine besttid feetewer, sew Ize hopes yewse will alla bear wiv mine own self. Ahem...
(Francis, black and white fur gleaming, steps up tew da mycrowfone anna taps it wiv a paw. "Testing won, tew, free.")
Ahem...
Yewse Gotta Furrend
(Tew da toon offur da same name)
Wen yew iz down an trubbiled
Anna yew need sum luffin purrs
An nuffin, but nuffin iz goin rite
Close yor eyes an fink offur mee
An soon Ize teleport dere
Tew britin up, efurn yor darkist nite
Yew just meow owt mine name
Anna yew noe wearefur Ize am
Ize cum runnin, to purr wiv yew again
Winfur, Spring, Sumfur ore Fall
Alla yew hafta dew is cawl
Anna Ize teleport dere
Yewse gotta furrend
Iffen da sky abuf yew
Gets dark anna full offur clowds
Anna dem ole norf winds begin tew bloe
Keep yor paws tewgefur
Anna cawl mine name owt lowd
Soon Ize teleports owefur tew yor door
Yew just meow owt mine name
Anna yew noe wearefur Ize am
Ize cum runnin, to purr wiv yew again
Winfur, Spring, Sumfur, ore Fall
Alla yew hafta dew is cawl
Anna Ize teleport dere
Yewse gotta furrend
Izzint it gud tew noe dat's yewse gottsa furrend
Wen hoomins kan be sew kold
Dey'll hurt yew an dessert yew
Anna takkid yor sowl iffen dey kan
Owe but doan yew let dem
Yew just meow owt mine name
Anna yew noe wearefur Ize am
Ize cum runnin, to purr wiv yew again
Winfur, Spring, Sumfur, ore Fall
Alla yew hafta dew is cawl
Anna Ize teleport dere
Yewse gotta furrend
Fangu won anna awl.
(Francis bows, luks at Whiskers, blushin awl da wile).
Francis,
Howse offur Simmons
October 8, 1998 - All rights reserved.
Good Neighbour and Cats on Safari
Yesterday I severely pruned a large lavatera in my garden which had not been attended to for years. It was severely overgrown and straggly, so I pruned it hard back. Attacking it with saw and pruning shears, singing, "I'm a Lumberjack" all the while. The cats thought this was all very interesting and supervised my work closely, sitting around me in a semi-circle. I swear they were having a cat conversation along the lines of "This time she's really flipped..." I told the felines that I had checked out my pruning methods in the Royal Horticultural Society encyclopedia, and if they doubted me, they could always go and take a look.
Well, today, Bill, my wonderful neighbour (retired farmer), turned up with his wheelbarrow and offered to take away the prunings for me as he was having a bonfire of garden rubbish at the back of his farmyard. Great! Together we heaped the prunings into his large wheelbarrow, only to be watched by three felines once more. "What's happening now???" I could see them thinking. So Bill wanders off across the field at the back, with all of the prunings piled high in the wheelbarrow. As the field is a little lumpy, I followed behind, picking up anything that fell out of the barrow en route to the bonfire site. Behind me came three felines, one after the other. First Francis, then Waffles and finally Marble slinking along at the rear. Cat safari. Once all of the prunings were loaded at the bonfire, together with all of the stuff from Bill's garden, I returned back home with three cats leading the way to make sure I didn't get lost. We returned via the bank of the stream and the cats pointed out the best viewing spots for the fish. The cats really seemed to enjoy themselves, bouncing along the bank of the stream, racing ahead, waiting for me to catch up - staying a little behind me then racing ahead again.
Back in the garden, I collected Bill's garden fork to return to him and once again it was cat safari time as we all wandered across to the farmyard. Once there, the cats had a good inspection of the barns whilst Bill and I chatted. Then on the return home it was game time again. Waffles especially would run ahead, wait for me to catch her up, then she'd charge off again. This was mixed with minor games of "Tag" or, "Swipe with paw, you're it" between the cats.
Once back home, as it is a glorious English Early Spring afternoon, I sat for five minutes in a garden chair, just taking in the Spring air. The cats sat next to me, purring contentedly, as we listened to the sound of the birds, the stream and the breeze across the fields. All is well in our little world.
March 19, 1999 - All rights reserved.
One Year Old Today! March 21, 1999
Today, my Marble is one year old.
This time last year he was part of a litter of five. Mum was a feral taken into a local shelter, but sadly, out of a litter of two girls and three boys, the two girls died. Mum was a tabby and white little cat; she had obviously become pregnant on her first heat.
I first saw Marble when he was three weeks old, at the shelter. The shelter, PACT (People for Animal Care Trust) is not far from where I live, and I help out when I can.
On that first visit seeing Marble, my son, Nathan was with me. He fell in love with Marble when this little tabby ball of fur started to climb up his trouser leg.
Over the next few weks, Nathan and I made regular visits to see Marble. We'd spend time with the kittens, feeding them, playing with them, to help get them used to human contact.
I spoke to my best beloved, Vernon, about this little tabby kitten that seemed to make a beeline for Nathan's trouser leg, everytime we visited. So, my darling best beloved said, "Well, I think we had better give this kitten a home." Dontcha just love him!
I spoke with PACT and a home visit was arranged to check out our home, our exisiting pet cats and where we lived to make sure that we were suitable prospective adopters for Marble (it's standard in a UK shelter that ownership of the animal remains with the shelter, you "adopt"). In the meantime, Nathan and I kept visiting Marble at the shelter. I reassured his Mum that I'd look after her baby very well.
The day of the home check visit came. Chris (the shelter owner), pulled up in her van and came in. Waffles was suitably aloof, as she is queen of all she surveys. Francis purred a lot, which I am sure helped the cause, and Chris seemed pleased that Francis was a rescue cat and doing very well.
We passed the homecheck visit with flying colours and I gave a huge sigh of relief.
A couple of weeks later I collected Marble from the shelter and brought him home. Vernon immediately fell in love with this little fluffy ball of tabby fur with two big eyes staring out at the world. Marble has the most
gorgeous markings. His fur goes from shades of pale gold - like a ripening wheat field, to black, black as the darkest night. He has magnificent swirls on his side and a lovely spotty tum. I will always remember Vernon, down on the office floor on hands and knees playing with this tiny, tiny kitten that very first day Marble came home.
Nathan couldn't wait to get home from school that day and was overjoyed to find Marble curled up asleep on a chair.
At this stage, the only one not pleased to see a new feline in the house was Waffles... She hissspitted and gave that well-known "feline look of death" to everyone. Still, with time she has mellowed - a little. Francis just looked bemused as if to say, "Who's this then, is he staying? Huh, another one to get used to."
First visit to the vet...
Marble had been with us a couple of days and I took him to the vet to be checked over and make arrangements for vaccinations. The vet was a lady vet and Marble had her cooing and fussing over him. He was an extremely pretty kitten. He is now an extremely good looking cat - sometimes I think that he looks too pretty to be a boy (but don't tell him I said that).
Marble grew apace. He eats
anything and
everything in sight. He has turned into a lovely cat. He's not a lapcat but will surprise me of an evening, by meowing a greeting, jumping on my lap, turning belly up to expose that lovely spotty tum, stretching all four legs out as far as they can and then purring long and loud as I rub those spotty bits. I've never known a cat enjoy having his tum rubbed quite as much as Marble.
Vaccinations and having "spark plugs" removed followed for Marble and he is healthy and happy. He loves to follow me about the garden, meowing at me ocasionally - that's my cue to pick him up for a cuddle. He's very much a home cat, not going out much unless one of his humans is out there with him. That's fine.
So, a happy first birthday to Marble! I hope it's the first of many and long may your antics bring joy and laughter to this household, and long may your loud purrs be heard.
March 21, 1999 - All rights reserved.
The Tadpole Adventure
Today has been wonderful. The sun has been shining and I've been out in the garden over the lunchtime. Vernon and I sat in the dappled shade of the willows on the banks of the stream, sipping our lunchtime cup of tea and Francis sat on the grass next to us, stretching out in the heat. The expression on his feline face was one of "Soaking up the rays, man, just soaking up the rays."
Anyhow - I wandered off to feed the tadpoles in the small tank I have by the front door. It's my effort to help amphibians this year, as numbers of frogs and toads are on the decline, so I've got what seems
like zillions of their wriggling offspring growing happily in this tank and as soon as they develop into small frogs and toads, I'll release them into a quiet spot of the stream.
So, when I wandered over to the tank, Francis followed by my side, chirruping all the way, as if to say, "Where you going? Can I come too?" I refreshed some of the water in the tank with fresh stream
water and went off to get the tadpole food - cat treats, salmon and trout flavour which are set upon by hordes of tadpoles as soon as the stuff hits the water surface. I came back with treats in hand to see
Francis lapping away at the water in the tank. Next thing I see a black wriggly thing on his tongue. Oh dear, the expression of absolute "
YUK MEGA YUK" on Francis's face was a picture.
A cat spitting out a tadpole is a funny thing, especially when it's followed by the feline look of "I meant to do that, why are you laughing at me?" expression.
June 16, 1999 - All rights reserved.
